Earlier this year, I made the mistake of telling God two things: 1) I want to do something reckless and out of the blue and 2) I want to be stretched and challenged beyond my comfort zone. Let me tell you, that was a dumb thing to speak into existence.
As a seasoned "chef", you develop a mental flavour bank based on many years of experience. I can create a dish, in my head, and know exactly how it would taste. I know what to expect. That's what I did before and after applying for this Discipleship Training School. I talked to people that have gone through it. I spent hours on the YWAM websites trying to gain some kind of taste. When I boarded my 11am flight on September 16th leaving Pearson, I thought I knew exactly what to expect of this dish I spent 6 months learning about. That's when I heard God laugh and say, "I'm proud of you for obeying your call, but you have no idea what I'm about to do to you and through you."
This honeymoon has been the most strenuous, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually experience I have, well, experienced in my 23 years. I've been depressed, angry, frustrated, confused, heartbroken, sad. But I've learned to be happy, joyous, encouraging, forgiving. What it is like to be anointed, to love and be loved, and to be so highly favourable and greatly desired by an almighty and gracious Father.
This week was our last week of lectures. Our speaker for the week, Mike Oates, spoke on Spiritual Warfare. A topic I was excited for since the first week. Mike had a general rule for everyone. "BE careful and weary of changes in your behaviour. If you're more tired than usual. That can be the enemy trying to stop you from hearing what I'm going to say to you." For about 3 days, I was uneasy, unecessarily angry, and judgmental. I was having dark dreams, where I would wake up in a panic attack and wouldn't be able to close my eyes for more than 2 seconds without seeing dark images. Satan was attacking my subconscious. On Thursday, Mike had the class pray for each other. Things we knew satan thinks he had a hold on. Concerned of how I was feeling for the last few days, Mike and I agreed I would be one of the first people to be prayed over. Along side 2 other students, Mike had the rest of the class split up and pick a person to pray over. Seven people came over to pray with and for me. Crying, as is my usual state these days, the 8 of us prayed away past hurt but I knew that wasn't what was truly "holding on" to me. We prayed a little more and realized my emotions, specifically anger, takes control so easily that it would cloud my vision of rationality, logical thinking, and of God. Since my anger took so much space in my head, when I would dream, it created a negative place and made it easier for satan to speak to me. To lie to me. No matter how much or how loud I would say "in Jesus name, begone from me. Leave me alone. In Jesus name", he would not leave until I woke up in panic. In our little group, I prayed "God, I'm tired of my anger taking control and blocking my vision of You. I'm so over it. So in Jesus name, anger, be gone, God, strengthen my subconscious. In Jesus name, satan, release my subconscious. In Jesus name, be gone! And as if a giant weight was lifted of my shoulders, it was all gone. I don't remember how we got on the next idea, but Heidi, one of the co-leaders for the DTS , asked me, "Have you ever asked God what He calls you?" Confused at first, I responded "What?". Heidi then says, "well your name is Adriana but we call you Ade. So what does He call you? You should ask." A little awkward at first but I figured "hey, it won't hurt to simply ask." So I closed my eyes and asked, "God, what do you call me?" Silent for a moment, nothing, Then what felt like forever, I saw a Hebrew word, חֻפְשָׁה. Then the words transformed into the word "Freedom". Eyes still closed, I started laughing. Heidi asks "what did He say?" Freedom. He calls me freedom.
This new identity that I've found in God is so overwhelming sometimes, all I can do is laugh and cry in the Spirit. But I FINALLY KNOW WHO I AM. I belong to the King. I'm a co-heir of the kingdom. I finally know my truth and my truth has set me free. Free from the cycle of addiction, free from the sting of death, free from believing the lies, but most importantly free to live life to the fullest.
As I walk in this new found name of freedom, I ask that you pray for the team and I as we leave for Thailand tomorrow morning. Safe travels and prayers of Holy Spirit protection over us as we step into a very dark, spiritual world. We know God has started a good work in us and we are all very excited to share that work with the people of Thailand.
As a seasoned "chef", you develop a mental flavour bank based on many years of experience. I can create a dish, in my head, and know exactly how it would taste. I know what to expect. That's what I did before and after applying for this Discipleship Training School. I talked to people that have gone through it. I spent hours on the YWAM websites trying to gain some kind of taste. When I boarded my 11am flight on September 16th leaving Pearson, I thought I knew exactly what to expect of this dish I spent 6 months learning about. That's when I heard God laugh and say, "I'm proud of you for obeying your call, but you have no idea what I'm about to do to you and through you."
This honeymoon has been the most strenuous, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually experience I have, well, experienced in my 23 years. I've been depressed, angry, frustrated, confused, heartbroken, sad. But I've learned to be happy, joyous, encouraging, forgiving. What it is like to be anointed, to love and be loved, and to be so highly favourable and greatly desired by an almighty and gracious Father.
This week was our last week of lectures. Our speaker for the week, Mike Oates, spoke on Spiritual Warfare. A topic I was excited for since the first week. Mike had a general rule for everyone. "BE careful and weary of changes in your behaviour. If you're more tired than usual. That can be the enemy trying to stop you from hearing what I'm going to say to you." For about 3 days, I was uneasy, unecessarily angry, and judgmental. I was having dark dreams, where I would wake up in a panic attack and wouldn't be able to close my eyes for more than 2 seconds without seeing dark images. Satan was attacking my subconscious. On Thursday, Mike had the class pray for each other. Things we knew satan thinks he had a hold on. Concerned of how I was feeling for the last few days, Mike and I agreed I would be one of the first people to be prayed over. Along side 2 other students, Mike had the rest of the class split up and pick a person to pray over. Seven people came over to pray with and for me. Crying, as is my usual state these days, the 8 of us prayed away past hurt but I knew that wasn't what was truly "holding on" to me. We prayed a little more and realized my emotions, specifically anger, takes control so easily that it would cloud my vision of rationality, logical thinking, and of God. Since my anger took so much space in my head, when I would dream, it created a negative place and made it easier for satan to speak to me. To lie to me. No matter how much or how loud I would say "in Jesus name, begone from me. Leave me alone. In Jesus name", he would not leave until I woke up in panic. In our little group, I prayed "God, I'm tired of my anger taking control and blocking my vision of You. I'm so over it. So in Jesus name, anger, be gone, God, strengthen my subconscious. In Jesus name, satan, release my subconscious. In Jesus name, be gone! And as if a giant weight was lifted of my shoulders, it was all gone. I don't remember how we got on the next idea, but Heidi, one of the co-leaders for the DTS , asked me, "Have you ever asked God what He calls you?" Confused at first, I responded "What?". Heidi then says, "well your name is Adriana but we call you Ade. So what does He call you? You should ask." A little awkward at first but I figured "hey, it won't hurt to simply ask." So I closed my eyes and asked, "God, what do you call me?" Silent for a moment, nothing, Then what felt like forever, I saw a Hebrew word, חֻפְשָׁה. Then the words transformed into the word "Freedom". Eyes still closed, I started laughing. Heidi asks "what did He say?" Freedom. He calls me freedom.
This new identity that I've found in God is so overwhelming sometimes, all I can do is laugh and cry in the Spirit. But I FINALLY KNOW WHO I AM. I belong to the King. I'm a co-heir of the kingdom. I finally know my truth and my truth has set me free. Free from the cycle of addiction, free from the sting of death, free from believing the lies, but most importantly free to live life to the fullest.
As I walk in this new found name of freedom, I ask that you pray for the team and I as we leave for Thailand tomorrow morning. Safe travels and prayers of Holy Spirit protection over us as we step into a very dark, spiritual world. We know God has started a good work in us and we are all very excited to share that work with the people of Thailand.
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20
"So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law." - Galatians 5:1
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