Hey Friends!,
This post is long overdue! I was struggling to find the words to express the adventure of Thailand and then there was a turn of events that has made it even harder to write this post.
I'll just get straight to the point...I was sent home. 3 weeks before outreach is suppose to be over.
Back in December, when the team and I first arrived in Pattaya, I was having a hard time spiritually (may have mentioned that in previous post, "Hope Is..."). In a moment of frustration, weakness, and selfishness, I had chose to leave the premises of where we were, go to a restaurant, and get a beer. Though, non-alcoholic, but it was the appearance of drinking. I also had a butt of dirty cigarette. "Don't drink, smoke, or go out alone or you will be sent home. No negotiation." ....................................
The training leader for YWAM Vancouver and the co-leader for this DTS came to visit us on our last location, Mae Sot (may-sought). I had a one-on-one time with them. The subject of me breaking the rules came up and in that moment, I chose not to lie and be honest. As a result, I was sent home.
For 2 days , I couldn't bring myself to participate in any events. I felt like I failed the team. I failed myself. I failed God. I remember thinking, "No matter what I do, my past will never let me be happy. I will always fall." But what I had forgotten was I have made a group of friends, a family, that loves me no matter what. They saw me struggle during those first few weeks of lecture phase. But because I chose to trust God and the people He has placed in my life, they were the first group of people that see me for me. When I first told the team I was going home, nobody said anything for a moment. Then Ryan spoke up, He said (paraphrasing) "This doesn't change who you are. This doesn't change how we see you. We still love you. This is not the end for you and we will support you."
God has been talking to me. "Don't worry. I have something better. Trust me." Those words are probably the hardest words God has ever spoken to me. To finish DTS and move on to do the secondary school, School of Ministry and Leadership Development (which was the original announcement) was what I thought I'd be doing this Spring. But then "my world and future" shatters and God says "trust me"? Hears the thing...God still holds my world and my future. I may be hurting but I'm trusting my Father.
That being said, I will be doing the Spring DTS. The Rise DTS is being run as a partnership between YWAM Vancouver and the Rise Campaign. (You can find more details at www.risecampaign.com) I joined the Fall DTS to find out the WHYs and those that have been reading my post these last few months, I have. Now, I believe God is calling me to the Rise DTS to find out the HOWs. I ask you to support me once again. Whether financially or in prayer or both, I couldn't do it the first time without you, my supporters, my family. Keep a look out for the next blog post to see how WE can move forward!
This last season was my redemption; learning to trust and put my faith in God, learning to love, to forgive, to show grace and mercy. I have an identity. This upcoming is putting those into application and learning discipline.
God, thank you for every person you have blessed me with this past season. I wouldn't have gotten this far without them. Thank you for every lesson. Thank you for the storms and helping me persevere, not by my own strength but Yours. I know who I am and I'm starting to understand this new identity. Here I stand Lord saying "use me". I will go wherever You lead me. Though I still hurt, I will trust your plan. Always.
Sincerely, a child forever in awe,
Adriana
This post is long overdue! I was struggling to find the words to express the adventure of Thailand and then there was a turn of events that has made it even harder to write this post.
I'll just get straight to the point...I was sent home. 3 weeks before outreach is suppose to be over.
Back in December, when the team and I first arrived in Pattaya, I was having a hard time spiritually (may have mentioned that in previous post, "Hope Is..."). In a moment of frustration, weakness, and selfishness, I had chose to leave the premises of where we were, go to a restaurant, and get a beer. Though, non-alcoholic, but it was the appearance of drinking. I also had a butt of dirty cigarette. "Don't drink, smoke, or go out alone or you will be sent home. No negotiation." ....................................
The training leader for YWAM Vancouver and the co-leader for this DTS came to visit us on our last location, Mae Sot (may-sought). I had a one-on-one time with them. The subject of me breaking the rules came up and in that moment, I chose not to lie and be honest. As a result, I was sent home.
For 2 days , I couldn't bring myself to participate in any events. I felt like I failed the team. I failed myself. I failed God. I remember thinking, "No matter what I do, my past will never let me be happy. I will always fall." But what I had forgotten was I have made a group of friends, a family, that loves me no matter what. They saw me struggle during those first few weeks of lecture phase. But because I chose to trust God and the people He has placed in my life, they were the first group of people that see me for me. When I first told the team I was going home, nobody said anything for a moment. Then Ryan spoke up, He said (paraphrasing) "This doesn't change who you are. This doesn't change how we see you. We still love you. This is not the end for you and we will support you."
God has been talking to me. "Don't worry. I have something better. Trust me." Those words are probably the hardest words God has ever spoken to me. To finish DTS and move on to do the secondary school, School of Ministry and Leadership Development (which was the original announcement) was what I thought I'd be doing this Spring. But then "my world and future" shatters and God says "trust me"? Hears the thing...God still holds my world and my future. I may be hurting but I'm trusting my Father.
That being said, I will be doing the Spring DTS. The Rise DTS is being run as a partnership between YWAM Vancouver and the Rise Campaign. (You can find more details at www.risecampaign.com) I joined the Fall DTS to find out the WHYs and those that have been reading my post these last few months, I have. Now, I believe God is calling me to the Rise DTS to find out the HOWs. I ask you to support me once again. Whether financially or in prayer or both, I couldn't do it the first time without you, my supporters, my family. Keep a look out for the next blog post to see how WE can move forward!
This last season was my redemption; learning to trust and put my faith in God, learning to love, to forgive, to show grace and mercy. I have an identity. This upcoming is putting those into application and learning discipline.
God, thank you for every person you have blessed me with this past season. I wouldn't have gotten this far without them. Thank you for every lesson. Thank you for the storms and helping me persevere, not by my own strength but Yours. I know who I am and I'm starting to understand this new identity. Here I stand Lord saying "use me". I will go wherever You lead me. Though I still hurt, I will trust your plan. Always.
Sincerely, a child forever in awe,
Adriana
"35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:35-39
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