Hey all,
Sorry I haven't written anything in over a month. Dealing with negativity and life, it's been hard to find inspiration to write a post. I've spent a lot of time staring at my ceiling, asking God why. Why bipolar? Why my appearance? Why choose me to spread Your word? Why me? These questions, plus depression, have had me up late into the mornings. I also haven't been working therefore making me feel very useless. There's been a feeling of nothingness. But I'm not useless and the truth is God has been using me.
I've talked to a lot of young adults the last couple of months I've been home. It's usually the same conversation; I tell them about YWAM and the 6 month experience and how amazing God is, they stare at me, like deer in headlights, in complete awe. "Omg! That sounds so amazing! I wanna do missions". "Well, what's stopping you from doing it?", I'd ask. And kid you not, the person's response is always the same answer. "Yoo, I'm broke." Being broke is not a reason, it's an excuse. I lost my job a month before I had to leave. I had money for my medication and that was it. But I prayed and trusted God is going to provide. And he did. My cup wasn't just full, it was running over. Don't let your situation tell you how big it is but tell your situation how big your God is. The difference between an opportunity and an obstacle is your attitude. Your faith has to be greater than your fear.
I'll be honest, I haven't been fully trusting God's plan for me to go back to Vancouver. Since last week, I've been asking God to "take this cup away" because I was scared. I still am scared. "God, what if I fail again? I have a lot people that are excited and are looking forward to this next, difficult, step I'm taking. They're watching this time. What if I fail them. Again." But God in His loving way has been repeatedly telling me two things that have been hard to hear; trust and obey.
Trust - is to have faith or confidence; to place reliance on something else over which one has little control.
Easier said than done, right? Well what does the bible say on trust: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs. 3-5,6. When you are in danger and you don't know what to do and you don't know where to turn, trust in the Lord. What have I been doing? Sitting around and saying, “I hope, I wish, I hope that everything is going to be all right.”? Well, that is what a lot of people do, and it doesn't accomplish a thing in the world. What I've been learning is to flee to the Lord. Get alone with God and say, “God, I need You right now with all of my heart; without any reservation I need You.”
You may think that is a very simple thing for me to offer. It is so evident people should be doing that without any trouble, but people are not doing it. Instead of trusting the Lord with all of their heart—that is, without any reservation, without any holding back—they are trying to fight the battle themselves.
Somebody might say, “I don't know really if I know how to trust the Lord. How do you go about as a Christian just trusting the Lord?” A number of things might be said, but it's in that moment when we refer to Proverbs 3:5, "Lean not on your own understanding." That is one way that you learn to trust the Lord. You lean not on your own understanding. If you are going to trust in the Lord with all of your heart, one of the first things that you are going to have to decide is that you are not going to rely on your own wisdom. You are not going to even assume what you ought to do. You are going to recognize that you do not know, and then you are immediately going to ask God to give you the wisdom that you need.
Obey - is to comply with the command, direction, or request of a person; to submit to the authority of
In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked the Father "if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." -Matt. 26:39. Jesus didn't ask once but three times for a way out. The more I read about Jesus in the Gospels, the more human He becomes. Jesus may have been God in human form but He was human and He was afraid. I'm afraid to go back to Vancouver. I can just call the leaders and say I've changed my mind, I can go back to being a chef and that would be the end of the journey. But the thing is, that's exactly what the enemy wants of me. For me to give up this new, threatening identity in Christ. To give up God. Sorry, but that will not happen. Though Jesus was afraid, He trusted the Father to give Him the power to go to the cross. He knew He had to obey His Father's will. He was placed on this earth not to abolish the law or the prophets but to fulfill them (Matt. 5:17). He came to set us free. And because I am free from shame, the feeling of being useless, I will obey my loving Father and will go wherever God calls me to be.
At the end of the day and what I'm trying to get across is that these last couple of months of being home have not been easy but just like multiple times before in this journey with Christ, He has proven, like He even needs to be proven of anything, that He will be right there through the toughest trials. Therefore, I'm going to trust God is going to give me the strength, wisdom, and the discipline for this next season. I'm going to obey the call He has placed on my heart without any reservations. God, Here I am and I'm ready. LET'S GO.
-Adriana
Sorry I haven't written anything in over a month. Dealing with negativity and life, it's been hard to find inspiration to write a post. I've spent a lot of time staring at my ceiling, asking God why. Why bipolar? Why my appearance? Why choose me to spread Your word? Why me? These questions, plus depression, have had me up late into the mornings. I also haven't been working therefore making me feel very useless. There's been a feeling of nothingness. But I'm not useless and the truth is God has been using me.
I've talked to a lot of young adults the last couple of months I've been home. It's usually the same conversation; I tell them about YWAM and the 6 month experience and how amazing God is, they stare at me, like deer in headlights, in complete awe. "Omg! That sounds so amazing! I wanna do missions". "Well, what's stopping you from doing it?", I'd ask. And kid you not, the person's response is always the same answer. "Yoo, I'm broke." Being broke is not a reason, it's an excuse. I lost my job a month before I had to leave. I had money for my medication and that was it. But I prayed and trusted God is going to provide. And he did. My cup wasn't just full, it was running over. Don't let your situation tell you how big it is but tell your situation how big your God is. The difference between an opportunity and an obstacle is your attitude. Your faith has to be greater than your fear.
I'll be honest, I haven't been fully trusting God's plan for me to go back to Vancouver. Since last week, I've been asking God to "take this cup away" because I was scared. I still am scared. "God, what if I fail again? I have a lot people that are excited and are looking forward to this next, difficult, step I'm taking. They're watching this time. What if I fail them. Again." But God in His loving way has been repeatedly telling me two things that have been hard to hear; trust and obey.
Trust - is to have faith or confidence; to place reliance on something else over which one has little control.
Easier said than done, right? Well what does the bible say on trust: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs. 3-5,6. When you are in danger and you don't know what to do and you don't know where to turn, trust in the Lord. What have I been doing? Sitting around and saying, “I hope, I wish, I hope that everything is going to be all right.”? Well, that is what a lot of people do, and it doesn't accomplish a thing in the world. What I've been learning is to flee to the Lord. Get alone with God and say, “God, I need You right now with all of my heart; without any reservation I need You.”
You may think that is a very simple thing for me to offer. It is so evident people should be doing that without any trouble, but people are not doing it. Instead of trusting the Lord with all of their heart—that is, without any reservation, without any holding back—they are trying to fight the battle themselves.
Somebody might say, “I don't know really if I know how to trust the Lord. How do you go about as a Christian just trusting the Lord?” A number of things might be said, but it's in that moment when we refer to Proverbs 3:5, "Lean not on your own understanding." That is one way that you learn to trust the Lord. You lean not on your own understanding. If you are going to trust in the Lord with all of your heart, one of the first things that you are going to have to decide is that you are not going to rely on your own wisdom. You are not going to even assume what you ought to do. You are going to recognize that you do not know, and then you are immediately going to ask God to give you the wisdom that you need.
Obey - is to comply with the command, direction, or request of a person; to submit to the authority of
In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked the Father "if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." -Matt. 26:39. Jesus didn't ask once but three times for a way out. The more I read about Jesus in the Gospels, the more human He becomes. Jesus may have been God in human form but He was human and He was afraid. I'm afraid to go back to Vancouver. I can just call the leaders and say I've changed my mind, I can go back to being a chef and that would be the end of the journey. But the thing is, that's exactly what the enemy wants of me. For me to give up this new, threatening identity in Christ. To give up God. Sorry, but that will not happen. Though Jesus was afraid, He trusted the Father to give Him the power to go to the cross. He knew He had to obey His Father's will. He was placed on this earth not to abolish the law or the prophets but to fulfill them (Matt. 5:17). He came to set us free. And because I am free from shame, the feeling of being useless, I will obey my loving Father and will go wherever God calls me to be.
At the end of the day and what I'm trying to get across is that these last couple of months of being home have not been easy but just like multiple times before in this journey with Christ, He has proven, like He even needs to be proven of anything, that He will be right there through the toughest trials. Therefore, I'm going to trust God is going to give me the strength, wisdom, and the discipline for this next season. I'm going to obey the call He has placed on my heart without any reservations. God, Here I am and I'm ready. LET'S GO.
-Adriana
"Trust and obey, for there's no other way.
To be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey."
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